Filling Space: Thoughts on Youtube.

Hey Gang,

 You may or may not have noticed that Youtube has been lacking in the last month or so. I haven't completely been ignoring it, but the turnout on video to week ratio is abysmally low. This post is going to talk about that, I've talked about it a little here and there throughout my various social media, but I felt it would be best to hash it all out on my blog. That's what it's there for right? 

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 So many people talk about the separation from Online life and personal life, and a youtube can be a window inside. I wanted to cultivate a persona online, that was pretty close to my own, except I was so concerned about how this video would be received and I was concerned about saying something that would make me sound stupid. The reason the videos take so long is that I painstakingly edit what I am going to say, so I can't be misconstrued. It is tiring and time-consuming. 

 I felt like I didn't really have space in my house where I could film. I was always worried about something or other, and there was no separation. Which only made me more stressed out about the entire situation. Sometimes stress is good for people, it get's them off their butt and focused on something that they want to change about themselves, but for me, Stress, only makes me sad. Sleepy. Downtrodden. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough to do what I want because it isn't as easy as everything else that I enjoy doing. I do have to admit that a little bit of my stress is not really living up to the idea I had for my youtube. I have a pretty substantial youtube subscription list, and I watch a lot throughout the week, especially when work is slow, and my videos just weren't on the same levels of those I enjoyed watching. 

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 My best advice would be never comparing your content or you with someone else. They got there because of their creative capabilities and their ideas, you two are not the same and you will have differences that can not be compared, that's why you are awesome and unique. It took me a while to figure that out, especially online. Everyone is so open and creative and I wanted to have space in the light. 

 I feel like I'm rambling now so I will start to wrap this up. I'm still new. I'm still learning and that is okay. I don't have to do what the others are doing and that's okay too. I want to bring back my youtube and make it unapologetically me. I will no longer worry about deadlines, freak out about new title designs I should use. I will edit my videos because I enjoy making them, and have fun doing it. I just want to have fun with youtube again. 

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 My Youtube is under construction, You'll see that all of the videos are gone and that it looks like an empty space. I had to step away to decide if it was something I wanted to keep doing, and now I am bursting with creative thoughts on how to fill it and I can not wait to show you guys. 

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As Always,

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